7 Core Values that All Dumanity Shares
1) Foundation – UNKNOWN Healthy/unhealthy primal fear alchemy happens here. It puts you on alert to what needs to be paid attention to.
We all have a core value in the unknown. It is what gives us the feeling of being alive, keeps boredom at bay and encourages us to be in the adventure of life.
When in an unhealthy state of expression: we become locked down in trauma locks of Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Disassociation.
In the land of uncertainty, we build our personal code of arms – labyrinths and moats to keep us safe from others. Knowing our own labyrinth and that of the person we want to connect with is essential for connection to take place at all. To maintain passion and adventure in life with your fellow human beings, the mystery/uncertainty must be honored with one another.
2) Creation – KNOWN We all have core values to be certain and be in the known. It relaxes us to know and be certain of something. Our wishes and our desires are born from these certain, relaxed places.
When in an unhealthy state of expression: we stay in complaint and victim mentality, as if the world owes us without us ever asking for it. Many people grow cold, bitter, and jaded.
Healthy manifestation of this core value is being able to ask for what you want, need, desire and have good capacity to manifest in your life.
3) Power – IMPORTANCE We all have a core value of being significant and powerful. Our pacing and boundaries are found here. Our ability to negotiate life in the world around us is found here.
Unhealthy expression of power is abuse in all of its dark applications. It is lopsided support of the four pillars of power: Presence (self), Attention (interactions), Fortitude (expression), and Flow (mediation). The clearest diagnostic tool that signifies misuse of your power is when you’re saying yes when you mean no and no when you mean yes.
Healthy expression of power is the ability to compassionately, accurately identify and confront the challenge in front of you in a manner that all sides are heard, felt, and seen. This manual helps you identify the core values that you can bridge on to have a human connection and move energy forward. You may be derided for making a stand for the dignity of all parties, but when the smoke clears, you will be respected for making a stand for them as well as yourself.
4) Union – CONNECTION We all have a core value to connect and be in union with the world around us. Most of my work as a coach is supporting people to give themselves permission to something they have a cultural lock in. There are many cultural guidelines around connection, most of which are unspoken laws that many times contradict a natural, healthy expression of connection. I illustrate this in my workshops by asking people in the audience to raise their hand if they had an urge to touch, hug, or be affectionate with someone and then pulled back. Most of the room raises their hands. In modern times there is more ways to connect technologically than any other time in history and yet the reports keep coming back that we as a culture are feeling more isolated every day. It is an epidemic no different than obesity and ill health.
Unhealthy Expression: Three ways unhealthy expression of connection occur
A) This type of connection lacks vulnerability of the moment. We get to edit and rewrite our interaction until our vulnerability is edited out. It is in our mistakes and foibles where we really get know someone.
B) So much of our connection occurs with all of our senses in concert: touch, smell, sight, hearing, and taste. One or more senses are missing in our interactions over the phone, Skype, texting and other media devises.
C) Time that we spend connecting this way robs us of the opportunity to connect via eye to eye and belly to belly interactions and that lack deep human interactions that feels nourishing and sustaining.
II) Clingy, co-dependent behavior- Part of healthy union is to know when and how to disengage in a timely manner leaving you and your partner nourished and satiated. When we overstay our welcome trauma locks and unconscious actions of connection are more likely to happen ( I call this “unconscious permissioning”).
III) Connecting without owning your hunger. Our hunger is what we feel is lacking in our connection with our selves. When this happens, our connections are more likely to be what I call “empty calorie connections” connection that lack substance and depth of nurturing!
Healthy expression of connection
Know “why” you’re connecting! Be sensitive to who moves you and follow through. Be in good pacing around those you’re connecting with. Be clear in rules of engagement of the connection. Be discerning. Don’t just look for if both of you are willing see if both of you are capable of supporting and nurturing one another.
5) Integrity – GROWTH
We all have a core need to integrate and grow as individuals. The life we live has many things for us to learn. That process fragments our understanding due to opposing viewpoints that have a strong capacity to polarize our psyche, bringing us into states of confusion and many misunderstandings. As humans we all have a need to see opposites as complementary forces that work in harmony together.
The biggest component in the breakdowns and lockdowns in communication between people is narcissistic thought. We think the other is just like us. While I am guessing that the Golden Rule (“Do unto other as you would have them do unto you”) was created to increase sensitivity so that we don’t harm others, I believe a platinum rule in which we treat the other as they want to be treated is the next step. By understanding our differences as well as what makes us the similar, we start getting a sense of our humanity together.
Unhealthy expression: When we polarize into our way of thinking this is the only way and judge others as right and wrong. This way of expressing this value tends put you and the person you’re relating to in a role that confines and eventually suffocates a sense of relating.
Healthy expression: We tend to harmonize opposing ideas and views in bridges of understanding and empathy. The very challenge in connection becomes the bridge we connect on bringing breakdown into breakthroughs!
6.) Vision – Service
We all have a core need to contribute something of ourselves to the world around us. This service in the world puts into action and manifests our unique purpose. This contribution of our selves lets us know how and where we fit in the world around us.
Healthy expression we know our purpose and find the harmonic notes of collaboration of others purpose in expression of service. These typically form tribe like manifestations where the sum becomes greater than the parts.
Unhealthy expression we serve without aligning with our purpose and/or serve without honoring the values of others service in the world around us. There is this feeling of being full steam ahead sideways. There is also very little support in our endeavors of our service
7.) Silence- Transcendence
We all have a need to transcend our view of what we call reality into something bigger then what we perceive it to be.
It is found in those deep quiet moments of self awareness meeting our authentic limits of how we view the world.
Health y expression there is this oneness that is shared in transcendence that steps outside of assumptive roles of agreeing or disagreeing and meets in a place other. There is this awareness that sharer and receiver will never be the same person with assumptive qualities that shared before the experience. This way of expression leads to sacred bond.
Unhealthy expression there is this attachment of some view of what transcendence should look like in others. In other words there this push through assumptive nature of how the other party should enter into transcendence not honoring there unique way